I have been sitting here wondering what I am going to do with this page. Well, seeing as how it is Christmas and all, I thought this would be a good time to share with you more, just as you all have done with me.

For a long time, many of you have sent me letters, shared with me on Yahoo and in Chat Rooms, your heart and pains and guts. Giving of yourselves no matter what. Many of you have said to me......why dont you talk about you? Why dont we really know whats inside you?


Well, I will tell you why. Ever since about two years ago, when my Sister died, and after that StarSpiderDancing and also a long time Sponsor after her, I ran. I closed up my heart in many ways. I did not want to get close to anyone anymore. That way I could not feel that pain of loss if anything ever happened to anyone that I feel close to.


And that was wrong of me to do. It cheats you and me. Because no matter what or where you go, there you are. You cannot ever run from anything in this life. No matter what you tell yourself or how many times you say in response to "Hey how ya doing?" "Oh I'm just fine thanks, and you?" hahahahahha That is just a huge fat lie.


It is not a lie all the time. There are many times I really am just fine. Sometimes the memories come in and get me however. Like this time of year. Christmas is a time of year for Family, Friends, and Children. The biggest for most is Family. Which I no longer have. Friends I do have and have been blessed with many far and wide. So in a sense my Friends are my extended Family. Which to me is the true meaning of Christmas and this time of year.


So, around this time of year I miss my Family more than I have words. All the Christmas Carols are a constant reminder. This song that is playing now, is one that my Father and Sister and I used to sing together. We were a family that had the gift of song. My Father had a very beautiful voice, as did my Sister and myself at one time. And this song was our favorite to harmonize with and have fun with. And then as we got older and my Sister and I played the guitars together, we always got together and sang Christmas Songs for everyone. It was a lot of fun times that we had doing that. There are many memories that flood my mind this time of year and sometimes its so very hard.


This also reminds me of my Mothers last Christmas. Ever since we were tiny, each year at Christmas, my Mothers self chosen task was to put tinsel on the tree. That would be the last thing that went on the tree. She would wait til we went to sleep and would do the tinsel. And she would take one strand at a time and put it on each branch in such a way that by the time she was through it was most beautiful. The last Christmas with my Mother, when she was very ill, I bought my Mother 4 boxes of tinsel. Over the years I stopped using tinsel on my trees, but this year was special. It was to be our last Christmas together. I put the tinsel on the coffee table and went to bed. About an hour later, I heard some movement in the living room. I got up very quietly and went to the hall and peeked around the corner toward the tree. There was my Mother, as sick as she was, putting the tinsel on the tree, just as she did when we were little. I don't know how she didn't ever know this, but I was able to take a picture of her doing that for my book of memories. One that I will cherish for the rest of my life. It was one of those beautiful moments. You know the kind. *S*


This is also the time of year, when I met StarSpiderDancing, my dear sweet Friend, Mentor and Teacher of webpage building. I remember my first page. She had a time with me I tell ya. We would sit on the chat or email and write back and forth into the wee hours of the nite, with her trying to get me to learn these codes. lol. I would say to her, "I am the artist, your the webmaster, just give me the codes will ya?" lol She was not having none of that. And so she started to teach me what she knew so that I could put my work up because I wanted to give and share and do my many causes. And she was so patient too.


My first page ever was BrightsChristmas. I look at that page now and go....ohhhh my gawwd, that is just plain and awful lol. I look at this page and go WOW. I have come a long way from her teachings and my own artwork has gotten much better, if I do say so myself. No humility in my family, I have it all. hahahahaa. Anyway, we would sit and talk all nite long by email or chat and have such fun making web pages together. Sharing with each other our deepest thoughts, fears, dreams, hopes. Everything you would share with your best friend. I remember the nite she crossed over. We were on the chat talking about my newest page. This one was the page. I never put it up until now. In fact I stopped making pages after all of the many losses of that year. So today, I felt it very fitting to put this page up in honor of my Family, and all my dear Friends, here and not. To say Merry Christmas Everyone! And to let you know how very much you all mean to me.


This is what Christmas means to me, even though I really don't celebrate Christmas as I did before I came into my Native Spirituality. Now I honor the Earth and its many Seasons. However, I feel the Spirit that this Season seems to bring out in everyone. Its awesome, the feeling that comes over everyone this time of year. As it does me. I love all the songs, the colors, the trees and especially the lights on the Tree are my favorite things. Best of all, the Children. I love to see the glimmer in their eyes at just the thought of Santa is coming!*S*. And how they giggle with delight over that. That gets me really excited with them. It reminds me of when I was a tiny person and how excited I got over Santa coming. I pray that I never forget that time. It was important and very special. And makes a part of who I am and what I am about. I am probably one of the biggest kids I know. hahahahahaha Thats probably why I love them so much and so wish to do something for them. But that is for another page. lol Don't want to put you all to sleep!


It is not important how we celebrate Christmas but why. Let's not enjoy ourselves to the point where we are blinded by the lights, decorations, gifts and all the other wonderful things we experience this Christmas, and fail to see the needs of others. One of the messages of Christmas is hope, giving, and sharing. Let us each do something to make a difference in the lives of those around us by giving them the gift of hope for the future during this wonderful Christmas season.


My Christmas Wish For You
by IndianChild

My Christmas wish for you, my friends Is not a simple one For I wish you hope and joy and peace Days filled with warmth and sun
I wish you love and friendship too Throughout the coming year Lots of laughter and happiness To fill your world with cheer
May you count your blessings, one by one And when totaled by the lot May you find all you've been given To be more than what you sought
May your journeys be short, your burdens light May your spirit never grow old May all your clouds have silver linings And your rainbows pots of gold
I wish this all and so much more May all your dreams come true May you have a Merry Christmas friends And a happy New Year, too ..


Christmas Past
A Christmas Poem by Carice Williams

Each Christmas I remember The ones of long ago; I see our mantelpiece adorned With stockings in a row.
Each Christmas finds me dreaming Of days that used to be, When we hid presents here and there, For all the family.
Each Christmas I remember The fragrance in the air, Of roasting turkey and mince pies And cookies everywhere.
Each Christmas finds me longing For Christmases now past, And I am back in childhood As long as memories last.


Well, thats all for now Friends and Family. Have a very Merry Christmas and may all of your dreams come true. Thank you for being here and there and everywhere. And most of all thank you for you! I love you all in a very special way. Dohiyi "Peace".
Love,
Feather aka Brighteyes*~*